Peter's Diary Entries
by BoilingHeart
Summary: After a visit from the doctor, Peter is told to write down everything that happens to him in a diary. But something's up. The doctor spoke to Peter's adoptive fathers, Tino and Berwald about something vital to Peter's health, and they aren't telling him about it. Peter knows something's up, but continues to do what he was told, no matter how stalkerish he finds it.
1. June 20

Saturday, June 20, 2020

8:32 PM

Dear Diary,

Today, Pa Berwald and Daddy Tino took me to the doctor for my regular check up. But this time, it was different than my previous ones. The doctor talked to my parents for a really long time, and I decided to eavesdrop on their conversation to see what was going on. They were obviously talking about me. I tried to keep up, but the doctor used so many big words I just decided to give up. The doctor came to me and gave me this diary I am writing in, and told me to write everything that happens from now on in this diary. It was something about monitoring my brain pattern or whatever. He wanted to keep track of how I was doing, I suppose. Stalkerish!

On the car ride home, it was awkwardly quiet. Daddy seemed worried, so I asked what was wrong, and if it was about me. I asked if there was something wrong with me. Pa only told me that it wasn't time for me to worry about that yet, and that he would tell me when it was time to worry. I decided not to question any further, since it was obvious that Pa wouldn't say anymore.

I've had many other check ups before, but this one was different from the others, and my parents were quiet about it. There was something that happened that they don't want me to know. And I would find out about it. Eventually.

But, alas, I am too lazy for that. If Pa tells me not to worry, then I won't. It's just scary not to know what's going on. Oh well. I wonder what the next day will bring!

* * *

Author's Note:

Okay, here's how this is going to work. Every now and then, hopefully everyday, I will update this fanfic. Every chapter is a diary entry of Sealand. Stick around! This fanfic will update frequently!


	2. June 21

Sunday, June 21, 2020

7:26 PM

Well, today I had breakfast like any other day, and everything went as it normally did, only daddy would give me these strange looks every now and then. Sad and worried. Pa always looked emotionless, so it was hard to tell what was on his mind. Today, I wanted to end the awkwardness and silence by inviting someone over with a bright attitude. Uncle Al.

Thankfully, they allowed him to come over, and so Uncle Al and I played video games, told jokes and everything! Eventually, I had to take a potty break, and when I was in there, (it was about four o'clock) I heard Pa talking to Al about something. Me. I lingered a little longer in the bathroom even though I was done to try to listen, because I knew that if I came out, they'd shut up.

And again, they used big words. And again, I gave up.

So I came out, and we played a little more. We played tag, and Al caught me and tickled me like there was no tomorrow! My chest hurt from laughing so much, I thought there was not enough air in the world for me to breathe!

We had dinner, and Al left, so I sat with Pa to watch TV. He was watching some show about a time traveler in a blue telephone box. I thought it was weird, but pretty cool on the inside. I made a few comments about how I never would have guessed it was a time machine.

Later, when I brushed my teeth and was about to go to bed, daddy called me over to the bathroom. He had a thermometer in his hands, and said he had to take my temperature. I thought it was absurd to take my temperature when I didn't have a fever or anything, but I didn't question it. Regular temperature. I told him I knew I was fine, and he nodded, saying, "I know. Better to be safe than sorry.".

So I went to bed, Pa hugged me tightly and ruffled my hair and Daddy tucked me in gave a kiss on my cheek, and told me to have sweet dreams. And here I lay on my bed, unable to find sleep.

I wish they would just tell me what's wrong.


	3. June 22

Monday, June 22, 2020

10:38 AM

I took my diary to Mrs. Edelstein's today, and I am writing in this now before I forget. Mrs. Edelstein is my babysitter. Well, she runs a daycare, so there are other kids around my age there. Mrs. Edelstein used to be a police officer, but after some time, she settled down, had a baby and ran a daycare. She's really kind, and I like her husband too. He plays some really nice music.

Anyway, Pa and Daddy have to go to work and they can't leave me alone, so they bring me here. Today, Daddy woke me up extra early, and took me to Mrs. Edelstein's daycare early. He took my temperature again, and I took a shower, brushed my teeth and got ready, all while I was half asleep. When we arrived, only Mr. and Mrs. Edelstein, their son Emmett and a good friend of mine, Wyuna were there. It was pretty empty. I wondered about, and found myself staring at Mr. Edelstein's grand piano. It was really big and shiny. Daddy was talking to Mrs. Edelstein for quite a while, using big words again. Daddy handed her a few papers, and seemed to be explaining something to her. Eventually, they sat down, talked some more, and Mr. Edelstein joined them too. They were probably talking for about an hour. Within that time, me and Wyuna ran around playing tag. Emmett wanted to join us in tag, but he was slow, so we slowed down so he could catch up. He was about seven, going on eight next month, and he is small and cute. He has green eyes and black hair, but inherits Mr. Edelstein's pale skin. He is very funny, curious and gullible. Young and innocent, and very happy. He is also very talented. He can play the piano very well like his father. He tried teaching me once, but its a lost cause for me. I could never play the piano.

When they finally finished talking, Daddy said goodbye, and gave me a big hug, and left. A few minutes later, one of the supervisors, Mr. Beildshmidt, or as he calls himself, Mr. Awesome, walked in and greeted us with some new toys and a few puppets. He loves us, and is always bringing in new things to play with. I ran to him and gave him a big hug. He laughed and ruffled my hair. As I am writing this, he is baking cookies for us to eat. I love his cookies. They are like chocolate chip cookies but with M&M's in them instead.

A few other kids arrived too, like my best friend Newell Zeke. Mr. Edelstein is playing some really cool music right now, and Mrs. Edelstein is telling the younger kids a story. Oh, I'm going to have to put this diary away right now. Cookies are done!

4:46 PM

I'm worried and near tears right now. Pa is late for picking em up. Usually he gets here at four o'clock sharp, but he's late. No one told me he was going to be late. Emmett keeps climbing on me, and keeps telling me it's going to be okay, and that they haven't forgotten me. Mr. Awesome gave me extra cookies to make me feel better, and he also gave me a piggyback ride. I wonder what's taking so long for Pa to get here.

5:17 PM

I feel like a ninja. I just snuck into the office here and found the papers that Daddy gave them. I am trying to read it, but there are so many big words!

Oh, but I can try to guess what it's saying. It's about me, and it's from my doctor, Dr. Lupei. It's says stuff about how I should be closely monitored, checked for my breathing rate, see if there are any signs of nausea, hallucinations, changes in temperature or lack of memory.

Well, as far as I know, everything I see is real. I don't feel nauseous, and Daddy has kept track of my normal temperature. Memory, well, let me check.

My name is Peter Kirkland. I am 12 years old, and my birthday is on September 2. My real father is Arthur Kirkland, and my mother is unknown. My biological father abandoned me, so I put myself on eBay, where I was adopted by a new loving family. My Pa is Berwald and he is Swedish. My Daddy is Tino, and he is Finnish. My best friends are Newell Zeke, Wyuna, Emmett and Romeo Vargas. I love chocolate and melon juice.

Yup, memory is pretty good.

I don't understand the problem. I think Dr. Lupei is just paranoid that there is something wrong with me. I don't know if he knows what he's doing.

7:42 PM

Pa and Daddy came to pick me up at about five thirty and apologized for being late. They had to go do something, so they couldn't come get me in time. I was also told I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I bet Dr. Lupei is just making stuff up about me to scare my parents.

So I got ready for bed, Daddy took my temperature, and tucked me in. I asked if our dog, Hanatamago could come sleep with me tonight, but Pa said no, so I'm a little sad about that. I now lay here writing in this diary, wondering. Just, wondering.

Why can't I just be normal?

* * *

Next chapter coming soon! Also, I just want to clarify a few things.

Mrs. Edelstein is Hungary.

Wyuna is Wy

Newell Zeke is New Zealand. (I don't know any Zealandic names, so I just threw a name together)

Emmett, the son of Austria and Hungary is made up. Not based on any Hetalia characters.

Dr. Lupei is Romania. His full human name is Vladmir Lupei. Not an official name.

Romeo Vargas is Seborga

And Mr. Awesome, well, we all know who that is.


	4. June 23

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

2:39 AM

I am shaking from fear. Daddy scared the pitooty outta me!

He came and woke me up just about fifteen minutes ago, and told me that I had stopped breathing in my sleep. He checked my temperature, asked a few questions, and had me lay here while he watched carefully. He opened the windows, brought a fan in and a humidifier and made sure air was circulating properly. He said my breathing was normal now, and that I could go back to sleep. So now, I am just laying here, alone in the dark with just a nightlight. I could've died in my sleep!

I don't want to go back to sleep. I'm scared of dying. Dammit lungs! You better learn how to breathe!

8:36 AM

Okay, so I managed to fall asleep again and I'm still alive! Hallelujah! I just finished getting ready for my doctor's appointment, and I'm just waiting for Pa to finish his shower. Since my diary was white, I got a few crayons and coloured the cover until it looked like my flag. Red, white and black.

I'm sitting here on the couch with Daddy watching TV. I wanted to see a little more of the time traveler dude, but Daddy was watching something else. It was about this weird guy who was like a detective, and he could find out everything about you just by looking at ya. It's crazy, and him in this short guy just go around solving crimes and stuff. That detective guy kinda scares me, but he's really smart. Seeing him retell people's life story right to their face when they just met, and pointing out how he knew makes you feel like it was so obvious.

I'm going to go see if I can sneak a cookie or something from the kitchen.

9:38 PM

What a waste of time! They all just stood around watching me breathe for like an hour!

I was hooked up to some machine at the doctor's, and they were monitoring me breathing. I just sat there, and did nothing but breathe.

I mean, don't get me wrong. It's not like I want to stop breathing. But they wouldn't even let me do anything!

So then, they started taking blood samples. Like, what do they need my blood for? Feeding the vampires?!

Then, they took X-Rays, even though I protested by saying I didn't have any broken bones.

They took pictures of my organs, my brain, and they were just picking at me, like, "Oh, lookie here! Peter's got some nice kidneys! Lemme instagram that!"

Ugh. I hate the doctors now. Why can't they just leave me alone? I'm fine, healthy, and just as adorable as ever!

Oh, and not to mention, Pa got mad at me for complaining so much. But there's nothing else for me to do, and I can't make them stop, can I?

I bet they even have cameras in my room, monitoring my every movement, because pictures and blood wasn't enough!

Okay, _maybe_ I'm overreacting just a _little _too much. I'm just upset because everyone seems to think there's something wrong with me. But I can surely tell you this: **I Am Fine!**


	5. June 24

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

8:17 AM

I'm getting ready to go to Mrs. Edelstein's place again. But I'm feeling a bit weird today. I have a headache and my eyes hurt, and I feel dizzy even though I wasn't even spinning. I told Daddy, and he got a bit worried and called Dr. Lupei. After some time, Daddy gave me some pills with kool-aid. I felt like an old man taking those pills. They made the pain go away though.

I'm in the car right now on my way to the daycare. And I know this is completely random, but I think Dr. Lupei would be so much cooler if he had a blue telephone box in his office.

10:14 AM

We had to pull over. I must have had some sort of panic attack. But I SWEAR I saw him.

There was a man sitting next to me in the car. I had no idea who he was, or how he got there. He just appeared from no where, and started calling me a freak. He said that no one truly loves me, and that I was a burden to everyone, and that I only took up space. I screamed for him to stop, and I did everything I could to try and make him go away. I yelled, I thrashed, and I hadn't even realized that the car had stopped and Pa was prying me out of my seat trying to get me to calm down. I stared at the man as Pa dragged me out. He was laughing with an evil grin on his face. And then he just disappeared. Just like that!

Pa and Daddy won't believe me. They said no one else was in the car besides us. But I know what I saw.

I just hope he doesn't come back.

4:36 PM

I locked myself in Mr. Edelstein's closet, and I have to be very quiet.

I can't face the others over there. It's just too much.

They're looking at me weird, and I hate it. Even Wyuna, my best friend. She must think I'm a freak too. I bet that guy in the car told her I was.

I don't want to go back out there. No one can make me.

I'll never be as normal as them, so why should I even bother?

6:40 PM

I woke up in my bed. I don't even remember falling asleep. Nor do I remember coming home. I guess I must've fallen asleep in the closet, and they found me.

I can hear my parents in the living room talking. They don't know I'm awake. It's difficult to hear what they're saying, but I'll write down what I hear so I can remember.

D- "He has to rest. It's best one of us stays to keep an eye on him."

P- "He should just stay with Dr. Lupei."

D- "You know he doesn't like him."

P- "Yes, but what other option do we have? He drove Elizaveta crazy looking for him earlier."

D- "Maybe he shouldn't go back there anymore."

P- "We need to find someone who is able to watch him closely. We need someone we can trust, and the best option is Dr. Lupei."

D- "He won't be happy there."

P- "Is he happy now? Is he okay?! Right now, it doesn't matter! At this point, we just want to make sure our boy is healthy! Do you not understand?!"

Pa is yelling. Pa. Is. _Yelling._ At Daddy. This is new to me. Okay Peter. Don't cry. Don't you dare cry.

I hear Daddy yelling now.

D- "-raising your voice at me like that? I'm just trying to get the best for our son, and yelling at me is sure as hell _not_ going to make things better!"

This is all my fault. I made them do this. If I was normal, they wouldn't be yelling. I wouldn't have hidden in the closet. None of us would have to go through this. We could all just be happy.

It's not fair.

P- "-down now. He might hear us. It's not healthy to be yelling like this."

D- "It's just so frustrating. I... I can't... I don't know anymore. I just wish I knew. I wish we knew what was wrong."

P- "Please don't lose your temper. I'm sorry I lost mine."

D- "We should just go to bed. It's a stressful day, and we could all use the sleep."

I can hear them walking about now. I'm glad they're not fighting anymore.

But I'm scared. Worried. Sad. Frustrated. Angry.

And most importantly, abnormal.

When will it end?


	6. June 25

June 25, 2020

9:47 AM

A nice surprise! Uncle Al stopped by again! And this time, he's gonna be staying with us!

Apparently, he's gonna babysit me from now on, and make sure no one hurts me and that I am all well.

He even said I'll probably make a new friend too! I love making friends!

Daddy says I should take naps often, since I need lots of sleep apparently, so I'm being told to take a morning nap, which sucks because I wanted to see Uncle Al bring in his stuff. He's going to have the guest room. Pa and Daddy are helping out by bringing some of his stuff in too.

Well, I hope the day is better than yesterday!

3:29 PM

Cookies!

Uncle Al knows how to bake cookies!

Pa and Daddy are at work right now, and me and Al are just hanging out now.

He has his own recipe for cookies, and he showed me how he makes them. He uses peanut butter, M&M's as well, pieces of dark chocolate instead of chocolate chips, chocolate powder, and other cookie stuff. The cookies are in the oven right now, and boy do they smell good!

Al says that when they finish baking, we can put ice cream in them and make ice cream sandwiches, or we can get the cream from Oreos and put them on the cookies. I can't wait! My mouth is watering!

9:24 PM

Great day today. I had fun, but there have been adjustments to my lifestyle, as my Pa calls it.

For one thing, I can't play video games for more than thirty minutes. Something about seizures or whatever. Also, no one can see what I see apparently. I feel like my biological father; crazy and delusional. Also, I have to see the doctor more often. From what I hear, they have no idea what's going on. Like, it's something they've never dealt with before.

Well, if that's the case, I'm not too sure I want it to be called the Peter Syndrome or whatever. I'm just going to wait until everything's alright.

Just gotta keep smiling.


	7. June 26

June 26, 2020

4:27 AM

Can't sleep. Again.

Pa and Daddy are talking to each other about me again. I have to be clever now, because it seems that their once boring and useless conversations have proven to hold vital information about me hidden from me. So, now I have to be smart and listen carefully as to what they are saying. This time, I won't let big words get in my way. I'll have to try and spell the words as best as I can and look them up in the dictionary, or Wikipedia.

After all, Wikipedia _is_ the source of all human knowledge.

D- "-results from Dr. Lupei?"

P- "Yes. They're going to need more samples."

D- "How much more could they possibly need?"

P- "Who knows? Certainly not them."

D- "What if... what if it's some sort of can sir?"

What the heck is can sir?

P- "-would have known by now. Perhaps it's some form of it."

D- "I wish I knew."

P- "Dr. Lupei diagnosed him with scitzofreneea."

Scitzofreneea. What a weird word.

D- "-can adjust to that somehow, right?"

P- "Probably."

I hear another voice, but I can't quite pin point whose it is.

No, wait, it's Uncle Al!

A- "-can't believe y'all are still up 'n runnin' yer mouths."

D- "Sorry, did we wake you?"

A- "More like prevented me from sleepin'. So what's all this y'all are talkin' about that it can't wait a few more hours?"

P- "It's Peter's condition."

Silence.

A- "Oh. How's the little feller doin'?"

D- "To be honest, we don't know."

A- "What the hell? What do you mean you don't know? Does he know y'guys don't know?"

Silence.

A- "Have you told him anything?"

P- "If we tell him, he'll freak out, and-"

A- "And so you're censoring him from himself? What kind of shit is that?!"

I've never heard Al curse before.

D- "We just want to protect him-"

A- "How would you feel if people were keeping secrets from you? Secrets that are vital to your health? This he needs to know! You can't just do this to him!"

P- "We didn't give him this condition!"

A- "No you didn't. But you didn't tell him about it either, did you?!"

Right, one thing you should know about Al is that he hates censorship. He uses this quote form Mark Twain I believe that says, "Censorship is telling a man he can't have steak because a baby can't chew it.". I think it means a lot, and makes perfect sense. I knew they were hiding something from me, and now maybe Al can find out and tell me about it.

A- "-to tell me everything! Stop hiding things for once!"

D- "But you can't tell Peter-"

A- "I sure as hell am going to tell Peter! God, why can't you just... just, say it! Don't be afraid! There's already too much happening for there to be any secrets. The kid is going to find out soon enough. How would you rather he find out? You telling him or the doctor saying it's fatal?"

Well, that escalated quickly.

I can hear them shifting around uncomfortably.

A- "So, what's going on? Is he okay or not? And don't you sugar coat it or beat around the bush."

D- "I... we... um, thing is..."

P- "...We don't know. This is something the doctors have never seen before. I think it's some sort of can sir, but there's a little more to it. And I don't know much about this."

A- "Does the boy know he's sick?"

Silence.

A- "_Does The Boy Know He's Sick?_"

P- "Most likely."

A- "Did you tell him directly or is he freaking out because he doesn't know what's wrong?"

Silence.

A- "Exactly what I thought. Grow a pair and tell the boy. I don't see what's so wrong in tellin' him so."

I can hear them walking their separate ways. I can feel the tension all the way up to my room. I'm going to try to get some sleep now.

10:24 AM

Pa and Daddy went to work early. Al says they have to work overtime to earn some more cash. I thought we were doing fine on money.

I asked Al if he has a job, and he told me he was an animator. He also used to be a police officer, and told me stories of his days in the force. He said he got injured real bad, and decided to quit the force, because he didn't want to risk dying again. He wrote a few children's books, and designs video games and makes animated shorts for YouTube. I thought that was really cool.

After that, I asked him if he knew what was wrong with me. He knelt down to my eye level, and said that no one knows, and that I'll just have to hope that the doctors figure it out and make me better.

That sucks, huh?

But I'm strong, and I have a big heart, so I know that I can make it even without the doctors.

2:16 PM

Al is going to go take me to one of his friend's house. His name is Vasch. He's from Switzerland, and served in the military. Now he just kind of relaxes in a nice big house with his little sister, Lili, who is around my age. Al says that we would probably make great friends! He lives pretty far, so I'm in the car right now, listening to music. I'll have to try to pass the time, but I have no idea what to do, so I'll probably just take a nap or something.

7:57 PM

I had a lot of fun!

Vasch kinda scares me though, but he reminds me of Pa in a way. Lili is so kind and nice! She's really pretty too. At first, I was embarrassed and I was afraid that she wouldn't like me. But she didn't even care if I wasn't perfect. She only judges from who you truly are, and that I find amazing in a person. I felt so confident with her, I told her my situation, my feelings, my conflicts, secrets, and in turn, she gave me advice and hugs, and also told me about her. She is literally the nicest, sweetest person I have ever met! I can't wait to see her again!

But I feel all weird about it. Maybe it's part of my sickness, but when I think of her, I feel all weird. I can't really think properly, and I feel weird inside, like there's static in there. It's so weird. I've never felt this way. And I can't stop thinking about her either. So strange!

I'm going to bed early, and maybe I can ask to see Lili again. She's really nice!

* * *

Alright! Thanks for reading this chapter! I hope you enjoyed it!

To clarify:

Vasch = Switzerland

Lili = Liechtenstein

Don't forget to write a review! Because seriously, I love hearing from ya guys!


	8. June 27

Saturday, June 27, 2020

6:47 AM

I'm going to try to make breakfast for Pa, Daddy and Al.

I had a dream last night, no, scratch that. I had a nightmare last night, and it was a ton of horrible things one after another.

I saw that same man who was in the car with me on Wednesday. He started showing me things. He showed me what it would be like if Pa, Daddy and Al died. Then he would bring them back, and then kill my friends. Then he would bring them back too, and then just kill all of them, including Lili. Then he brought them all back, and killed me instead. And I was watching my dream as a ghost, seeing as everyone I cared for mourned, just as I did when he killed them.

He was showing me how important we all are to each other, and that they care. He even showed me that I care about them more than I thought. He then brought me back and began to show me how hard Pa and Daddy work everyday to earn money, and support me. It was kind of cool in a way, but it was sad and terrifying!

But it also made me appreciate life a little bit more, so I'm going to try to return the favor!

10:23 AM

Everyone's awake, and eating breakfast I made! Well, Daddy woke up and found me in the kitchen and started helping too.

So, here's what I did.

Since I'm afraid of getting burned by the stove, I didn't literally cook. But, I went and got some cereal and melted some marshmallows in the microwave and built robot cereal sculptures! Then, I got four green apples and carved them with a knife so they looked pretty. Each one had a different design for our interests. Then I got some poptarts and toasted those, and then built houses with them. I was so proud of my work that I just had to take pictures of them. Daddy had come to the kitchen when I was building the houses, and helped me out with marshmallows and stuff, because the houses were falling apart. Daddy said that what I did was a work of art, and that stuff like this belongs in a museum!

When Pa and Al woke up and saw the food, they were awestruck. Even emotionless Pa seemed to be amazed! They told me I was very talented, and Al said he almost didn't want to eat it because it looked so cool.

Pa and Daddy are going to work at 11 today, so I'll be able to hang out with them for a little bit before they leave.

2:14 PM

I convinced Al to take me back to Vasch and Lili's house! I'm in the car on my way to their house. It's like a thirty minute drive, so I'm going to take another nap. Also, I carved an apple for her too. I gave it the prettiest design I could make. I hope she likes it.

8:29 PM

I had a great day today! Well, except for a few things, but Lili was completely cool with it.

Okay, so here's what happened. I got to Lili's house, and we were hanging out all day. I gave her the apple, and she said it was amazing, and couldn't believe that I did it. She said she wished she would have gotten me something, but I told her she didn't have to get me anything, because all that mattered to me was if I could hang out with her. Her face turned red, and at first I got worried because I had no idea what was happening to her, but then I realized that this is what they called blush. I had never seen someone actually do that before. It was cute.

Okay, so the bad part of my day was while we were sitting on a bench outside on her porch just talking, that same freaky guy appeared right next to me again, and started saying a bunch of stuff. I freaked out again, and everyone was really concerned. It was different this time because I wasn't afraid of him hurting me or insulting me. I was afraid of him hurting Lili. I'm embarrassed about it now, but on instinct, I dragged Lili away from him and tried to put her in a safe place away from him. Vasch got really mad at me, and Al had to try to calm me down. Al then explained to Vasch about my situation, and I apologized continually to Lili. Lili said it was okay, and that she was actually flattered that I would try to save her instead of myself. She didn't even care if I just flipped out like I did!

Even after that embarrassing incident, I had the guts to ask Vasch before we left if Lili could come over to my house sometime. I was already preparing myself for a no, but was thrilled when he said yes! Apparently, after me and Lili met, all she talked about was me.

I can't wait to see her again!


	9. June 28

Sunday, June 28, 2020

7:24 AM

Okay, so I found the number for Dr. Lupei. I took my Pa's cellphone, and I know I'll probably get in trouble for this, but I'm going to call him. I want to know everything they know about me.

I have the phone right now in my hands. and I'm going to call and write down everything we say. It's a good thing I am a speed writer.

I am waiting for him to pick up.

DL: "Hello Mr. Oxenstierna, this is Dr. Vladmir Lupei of the Dashner Children's Hospital, I hope all things are going well with you. Do you have any questions, comments concerns I must know of, Mr. Oxenstierna?"

Me: "Hi Dr. Lupei. Actually, it's me, Peter, your patient."

DL: "Oh, what a surprise. How can I help you?"

Me: "I am very curious as to what my situation is exactly. I would really appreciate it if you were to tell me all information that you have about my condition, if you please.'

DL: "Oh, no problem. Do you think you'll be able to keep up with everything I say?'

Me: "Yes, I believe so. I am writing down everything in this diary you gave me."

DL: "Clever!"

Me: "Can you talk slowly so I can catch everything?"

DL: "Of course. Okay, are you ready?"

Me: "Yes.'

DL: "Alright. Peter Kirkland. You have been diagnosed with scitzofreneea-"

Me: "Sorry to interrupt, but can you spell that for me?"

DL: "S-C-H-I-Z-O-P-H-R-E-N-I-A. Do you know what that is?"

Me: "No idea, sir."

DL: "Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that triggers hallucinations, paranoia, bizarre delusions and disorganized speech. You have the Paranoid type. This means that delusions or auditory hallucinations are present, but thought disorder, disorganized behavior, or affective flattening are not. We tried looking for the cause, and believe that it is genetic. Your biological parents may have passed it down within your genes, and in order to know who, we would have to test one or the other."

Me: "I see. That's interesting."

DL: "Very. We still don't know exactly what you're condition is. None of us at the hospital have ever seen this. We suspect it is some sort of unknown cansir, but we can't be to sure."

Me: "Sir, what exactly is cansir? And could you spell it for me? I'm not too sure if I am spelling it correctly."

DL: "C-A-N-C-E-R. Cancer is a broad group of various diseases, all involving unregulated cell growth. In cancer, cells divide and grow uncontrollably, forming malignant tumors, and invade nearby parts of the body. Again, it might also be genetic."

Me: "Is this all you know?"

DL: "At the moment, yes. Actually, there is one more thing. We also noticed that your lungs seem to be a bit abnormal. I can't explain how, not with words, but they prevent you from breathing normally. You might have to be treated like people with asthma to help your breathing functions, but it might not help. It seems to be a deformity, due to genetic problems. Hopefully, it doesn't restrict you in any way, but this is something where they could stop at any moment. Any breath could be your last."

Me: "Well... that's..."

I'm at a loss for words.

Me: "That's something I didn't know. I have one more question. Do you think that if I were to bring my biological father in to your office or something, that you would be able to help me out more?"

DL: "Possibly. You're very smart. I like that. You ask great questions, and your curiosity is going to help you out later on. I admire that, Peter."

Me: "Thanks. For everything. I hope I get better, or at least don't get worse."

DL: "I hope so too."

Okay I hung up now. Maybe Dr. Lupei isn't so bad.

Now, I have to find a way for me to get better. I have to improve my future. Now.

From now on, I'm going to eat healthier, exercise more, smile more, sleep more, and try to research using the internet how to make myself better. If I want to live a long time, have lots of friends, and be cool, I have to be well first. Now that I know my situation, told straight from the doctor, I can take safer precautions and make efforts to help myself be better, no matter how defective I am.

No matter how sick I get, no matter how bad it gets, I will do everything in my will to keep moving forward.

Because if I stop, it's over.

And we don't want it to be over.

4:36 PM

I forgot to mention that today Daddy doesn't go to work, so we are going to go grocery shopping. I have to be smart on what I buy. Or, what to ask for, since I'm not really paying.

I'm in the car right now with Daddy and Al on our way. I'm trying to think of a way I can convince my real father, Arthur into coming to the hospital with Dr. Lupei to get tests done. And I also have to figure out how to get to the hospital without Pa and Daddy knowing. I know it's a bit mean, but if Pa and Daddy can't tell me about me, then I won't tell them of my plans. You keep secrets, I keep secrets.

I'm going to avoid unhealthy foods and stuff, since I plan on living for a long time. I did a little bit of research, and found that some common ingredients used in foods were poisonous to us. Come causes cancer, while others provoke diabetes and ADHD. I don't want anything to do with that, so i'll avoid that. It's going to be cutting off a great deal of my normal eating habits, since I have grown up eating artificial flavours and chemicals and enhanced foods.

Alright, we're here. My first step in saving my life is just about to begin.

8:43 PM

Daddy was a bit thrown off by my new choice of food, but didn't question it. I'll list some things we got that I could remember from the top of my head.

Cheerios instead of Fruit Loops (because Fruit Loops has some sort of food colouring thingy that gives you ADHD. Same with Lucky Charms and other colourful cereal. I think it's like Red 42 kind of stuff)

Organic meat and veggies

Lots of veggies

Even more veggies

Fruits (instead of cookies and cupcakes and stuff)

Brown sugar (I heard it was healthier)

And other stuff without High Fructose Corn Syrup. That corn syrup stuff is made with toxic stuff and acids, and it gives you cancer.

I'm proud of my choices, because not only am I helping myself, but I am helping my family too, because they too are now forced to eat this stuff.

I'll be a hero just like Al!

* * *

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Okay, let me just clarify something. I'm not a doctor or anything, and I don't have a degree in medicine or anything of that sort. I'm just some teenager who found internet. My source is Wikipedia, so, um, yeah.

Also, that stuff mentioned about the food colouring and high fructose corn syrup is true, so watch what ya eat!


	10. June 29

Monday, June 29, 2020

2:34 PM

Wow, I got a lot of sleep! I woke up five minutes ago!

But, that also means Daddy and Pa are at work.

But this gives me a chance. I have a plan.

I know that Uncle Al is pretty close to my father, Arthur, so I am going to ask Al if he could contact Arthur for me. I should explain the whole plan to Al, since it might not be too easy to convince him, but we'll see.

Even if he says no, I'll find a way. I'm going to cure myself one way or another. I'll do whatever it takes, and nothing will stand in my way!

5:26 PM

Al agreed! He agreed!

Tomorrow, he is going to contact Arthur, and he's going to drive us to the hospital for Dr. Lupei to test us.

Hopefully, all things go well, and may~-

[A long pencil mark is drawn across the page from the unfinished word]

5:32 PM

Oops, I messed up my diary. Al startled me. He burst into the room while I was writing, and it made me slide the pencil all across the page!

I just feel like I should explain and apologize for that, hehe. He came in to tell me that Lili was on her way over here. I just got back from fixing myself up. She'll be here in fifteen minutes, so I'm going to go carve her an apple.

9:47 PM

I had fun today! I told Lili about my condition, my plans, and everything that was on my mind. I feel comfortable telling her about everything. I trust her, and she trusts me. We're really great friends, and I hope it stays that way.

Maybe if I get better, I can improve a future with me and her as well, and we could-

Whoa, wait what am I thinking? I should probably get some sleep now.


	11. June 30

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

1:23 PM

It's happening. Al is on the phone with Arthur right now, and if all goes according to plan, well, then maybe I have improved my future. I'm going to take a shower, clean out my ears and brush my teeth and prepare myself for the doctor's.

I'm counting on you, Dr. Lupei. Please make me better!

6:45 PM

Well I learned a lot. Arthur was thrown off when he realized the true reason why he was invited over, but surprisingly didn't question it. I couldn't read his emotions. He gave me this strange look every now and then. An emotion I have never seen worn upon a human face. It made my stomach churn. It's not a bad or mean look, it's... well, I don't know.

So, we went to the hospital, and Dr. Lupei asked a lot of questions, discussed with Arthur my condition, and it was revealed that my real mother was named Francine, and she had died when I was two. Arthur has schizophrenia as well, just like me, and it is most likely that I inherited it from him. Most of my health problems I am experiencing are almost identical to Arthur's. The deformity of my lungs, however, may have just been abnormal growth. Apparently, if you climb up Arthur's family tree, you'll find that his family has a history of cancer, but Arthur doesn't have it. I'm still an unknown cause, but not a lost one. While I was there, Dr. Lupei took some more blood samples, and monitored our breathing rates. We got X-Rays, our organs examined and we took a few reflex tests or something.

Overall, everything went well. Arthur went home, me and Al spent the rest of our day normally, and I'm going to go to bed early.

10:32 PM

I can't sit in any position that could make my stomach stop hurting. I feel nauseous, and I have a HUGE stomach ache, and a headache. The more I move, the more it hurts. Daddy is home, thankfully, and he keeps checking up on me, taking my temperature, and everything. I'm hearing things. Wolves, laughter, growls and murmurs. There aren't any wolves in this area, I don't know what would be growling, and it sounds like there are a hundred people talking and laughing. There are only four of us in the house.

I'm scared.


	12. July 6

Tuesday, July 6, 2020

3:14 PM

You're probably wondering why I am missing six days worth of diary entries. Hehe, funny thing (not really funny though), but since my last entry, where I complained of a stomach ache, I went to the hospital and have been here since. I asked Daddy to bring my diary over so I could write in it.

I don't remember much of what happened this week, since I've been drugged up. Oh, and another thing. they found a new tumor on my stomach, and I was rushed to the emergency room for surgery. Scary, but I didn't even feel a thing! I'm glad they found it quickly, and removed it safely! Also, I have a newfound gratitude for my body. I always hated feeling pain, but if I hadn't felt anything, no one would have known something far worse was wrong, and we stopped it before it become far far from worse. If I could, I would thank my body and it's defense system for warning me - us.

I had a few visitors too. Lili was the first to stop by. She was really worried about me when she heard, and I remember seeing her teary eyed with a grateful smile so clearly. Mr. Awesome and his brother came, and Mr. and Mrs. Edelstein also came by to see me. The doctors have to watch me for a little while, so I'll be staying here a little longer.

I made a new friend at the hospital too. You know how in hospitals you sometimes share a room with someone else? Well, I'm sharing a room with a man who was being treated for cance. His name is Mr. Braginsky, and he's very nice. But it seems like everyone is trying to avoid him. Sure, he does look a little scary, but everyone acted like he would bite if they got too close. The only people who ever came to visit him were his two sisters. His older sister is very nice, and she talks to me sometimes too. His little sister, on the other hand, well, let's say I tried talking to her but couldn't make it through a sentence. Now _that_ is a person who is scary. Not Mr. Braginsky.

One night, after all of my visitors left, Mr. Braginsky told me that I should be grateful, and that I should keep all these people very close to me. He told me that these are the memories, the memories of my friends and family, that I would look back on when I'm older and smile. He said I should treasure this, and he hopes that I get better. I told him he was very nice, and that I hoped he could get better and we could be best friends too. he chuckled sadly and told me he was a lost cause, and that he was bound to die sooner or later. It made me a bit sad to hear that. He told me that he was past his time, and was going to have an overdue death. He only sticks around so that his sisters can bid their final farewell before he leaves. I thought that it was nice of him to be thinking of his sisters like that. One of these days, I'll get the guts to ask him why it would be an overdue death. That has been bugging me ever since he said that.

Maybe I'll ask him tonight when we're alone. I have more visitors today!

9:45 PM

Okay, so I asked him what he meant, and I wasn't sure what I was expecting as an answer, but it definitely _wasn't_ this.

He told me that he was in the army not so long ago. He was fighting against the enemies, and his group was shot up until he was alone, with the enemies taking over their camp. He had to play dead underneath one of his teammate's body to avoid getting captured. He made it, and returned to his main base camp, where he was assigned to another group to finish the task that his previous group had failed. It was just one bad thing after another. They were ambushed, and he was shot three times on the shoulder, but kept going, not wanting to fail at the task once more. He wouldn't tell me what the task was, so I didn't ask. As they neared their objective, the enemies approached and killed three of their men, luckily, they were able to push forward and defeat them. He told me that his best friend was shot badly, and that he had died in his arms.

I'll admit it, I teared up while he told his story.

On their way back, they were attacked again, and lost four more men. He was shot up badly, and was rushed to the camp for medical care, but the camp had been attacked and he couldn't get medical help as soon as he needed. Eventually, he made it to a hospital, but had developed an infection, and he was in great pain, suffering all the way. He told me that that should have been the day he died, and that it was a miracle that he survived.

I have to say, that was one, epic and suspenseful bedtime story I have ever had. Welp, time to sleep now!

P.S. I am _really_ glad to be alive right now. I mean, I am filled with so much gratitude right now you have no idea. Also, I have no idea what 'P.S.' even stands for.


	13. July 7

Wednesday, July 7, 2020

2:32 PM

They're letting me go home early! I can't wait! I am in the car with Pa right now on my way home.

But, I have been thinking about this a lot, and I know I shouldn't be thinking about this, but I'm afraid I'm going to die.

I mean, of course I know I'm going to die, I just want to die when I'm old and I've already done everything I wanted to do. I want to die when I'm ready, not anytime soon.

But still, you ever get that feeling that you could just drop dead at any moment, all of your goals left unfinished, so many things left unsaid, and nothing you could do about it? Because that is what I'm feeling.

But as far as I have learned, it's all psychological. If you think you're going to die, you will. If you tell yourself "No, I won't die today, or anytime soon," you won't die. I have learned that your brain possess some sort of cool power, that you could literally will your pain away, and basically heal yourself if you really wanted to. But you have to meditate in order to do that. It's quite hard for me, since I am easily distracted, but the moment I can meditate for more than five minutes is the moment I can cure myself.

I can do this. I can save myself. I know I can. Optimism will literally save my life.

3:46 PM

I told Uncle Al my idea about healing myself, and he said it was silly, and that there was no way I could do that. I have never gotten mad at Al before until now. So, I asked him, "How much do you know about the human brain that you can so easily say it's not impossible?". Now he's on the computer researching to try to prove me wrong. I feel a little smug. Is that too bad? I hope not.

4:13 PM

Hah! I was right.

5:17 PM

I have a headache. My eyes hurt, and I feel weak.

I swear, if I die today, I'm gonna be so mad I'll have to haunt someone as a ghost just to rid of my anger.

But, I am thinking about so many things. Like, what I want to do before I die.

Ugh! Why am I thinking this way?! I can't do this to myself! No way, I refuse to give in so easily!

Death, if you want me, if you want my soul, you'll have to fight me for it! I won't let you win so easily! I may be a child, but I'll put up a fight so big you'll cry on the way home!

Pfft. I won't die. I'll be fine.

7:45 PM

Aaaand, just like that, I'm back in the hospital. Well, I have to learn this brain stuff and meditation thingies if I really want to save myself now. I'll be going to sleep now. I need my rest.


	14. July 8

Thursday, July 8, 2020

6:46 PM

Lili came over today. She brought me my favourite snack: marshmallows!

I have been feeling weird about her ever since we met, and I feel like I need her by my side. I know it's crazy, but I really want her to stay with me. And when I get out of this hospital, I feel like I would never leave her side. She told me that if she could, she would stay here all day with me, but Vasch always has to bring her home. She can't drive, so she can't just choose when she wants to leave or come visit.

Today, I'm feeling weaker. It's a little harder for me to move my arms and legs, and I am beginning to lose colour. My eyesight has been failing me lately, and I think I might need glasses.

But I made a promise to Lili. We call it, "The Marshmallow Promise". I promised her that we would be together one way or another, and that as soon as I could, I would... (Well, don't laugh but) I promised I would marry her.

Yup. That's right. Before I die, I have only one wish. I want to marry Lili before I die. When I told her this, she started crying. I didn't want her to cry, but I also felt like crying as well. But I had to be strong. For her, at least. I can't let her see me weak.

We fed each other marshmallows until she had to leave. I wish she could stay, but I can't be selfish.

No, I have to be strong. I have to get better.

I have a life I want to live, and that is I life I will live.

7:32 PM

Oh, by the way, I'm in the same hospital bed, so that means I still get to talk to Mr. Braginsky. He told me he heard what I said to Lili, and said it was cute. He told me he wanted me to get better, and wished me the best. I thanked him, and told him my plans about getting better. He said it was a good idea, and that I should look into it.

I love the encouragement. It makes me feel stronger. It makes me feel like I have a chance. That I am wanted in this world. That it is not yet my time to leave.

Death, you're gonna have to wait until I'm old, because I won't be seeing you anytime soon.

I'm going to meditate now. I'm going to do this. I will save myself. Just you wait.

* * *

I hope you guys are enjoying this story so far!

As you know, Peter has been talking about this whole healing himself with his mind thing. This is true. You actually can do that. If you want to know how, you have to meditate. Let's say you have a headache. Sit down, meditate for a little, and you have to literally will it away. Think real hard. Tell yourself you don't want a headache, and you don't need it, and it'll go away. I know it sounds crazy, but don't hate it til' you try it.

Basically, that whole psychological stuff is true. I don't know exactly how far this ability goes, but I do know that it is enough to save your life. It is called "Self-healing"


	15. July 20

Tuesday, July 20, 2020

4:26 PM

I'm feeling better! Yay! My immune system had shut down or something, and I became very weak. I became so weak to the point I couldn't even pick up my pen! Crazy!

I got really skinny too, so I kind of look like skin and bones. I can't eat anything without throwing up, so I'm just taking vitamin supplements to make up for the nutrients I'm missing out on. They want to feed me through my belly button, but I requested that they hold off on that. I don't really like that idea. It's weird. Maybe I'll get better before they have to resort to that.

Anywho, I'm still at the hospital, and I'm getting much better. My heartbeat is slowing down, and I am much more calm, and less energetic than before. But I know I'll get better! I can feel it.

Oh, and get this. There was this drug they were giving me that's supposed to make me get better, but it had actually made me worse. It turns out I was allergic to that medicine thingy, so they had to stop giving it to me. Ever since they stopped giving it to me,my health has been improving.

I love it when Lili visits. She's so kind and so sweet, and makes me so happy. I hate making her feel sad. She thinks I'm going to die. I know she doesn't say it, but you could see it in her eyes. Don't worry Lili, I'll get better, I promise you!

Oh, and Lili, I know that one of these days, you're going to pick up this diary, and you're going to read it, and I respect that. So, if you're reading it right now, then Hi! I really care about you, and I really think you're sweet, and I love having you around! Whatever you do, don't stop smiling! Don't ever feel down! In every time, every dimension, through death and even my next my life, I will **always** care for you!

Lili, you are a beautiful flower,

Full of happiness and power,

Such beauty is a gift,

Your actions so swift,

Makes me feel great,

You speed my heart rate!

This poem is quite bad,

But you sure make me glad.

6:27 PM

Mr. Braginsky's gonna teach me how to play chess!

8:43 PM

Me and Mr. Braginsky played chess for a while. I didn't understand it at first, but now that I get it, it's really fun! Much better than checkers! We played for nearly two hours, and at first, he beat me, but then once I began to understand it and practice a little more, I started to beat him. He later told me that this was a game smart people play, and told me it was good for my brain.

I think chess is good for the soul.

So now, we're going to play chess everyday at 6:30. He told me he was pretty good at it, and that I proved to be a challenge. I'm gonna be the best!


	16. July 21

Wednesday, July 21, 2020

I think it's two o'clock. I can't see the time.

I still can't eat. But, I'm scared.

He's back.

The supposed non-existent man is back.

He keeps telling me I'm going to die.

I don't know what to do. I'm really scared. He won't leave. He just keeps talking and talking. I keep plugging my ears, but I could still hear him. It's scary.

I don't think Mr. Braginsky can see him, but he's telling him to go away. I had to tell Mr. Braginsky to stop because he was making him angry. When the man gets angry, he grows bigger, and grows fangs, and his voice gets deeper and louder. I wish he would go away.

I won't die. I'm not gonna die just because he said I was.

I just wish he would leave me be.

I mean, If I'm going to die, at least let me die in peace!

5:43 PM

Mr. Williams stopped by and gave me a teddy bear. He told me that this bear was going to be my best friend, and that he'll help me through all my troubles. It's really big, almost as big as me! It's really soft too. I'm not sure what to name him, so I'll wait for Lili to come and help me decide.

I wish I could eat. I _really_ want cookies. And marshmallows.

Actually, I could go for a burger right about now. No, a pizza. I bet I could eat a whole pizza if I could.

No, I want Chinese food! No wait, I want some of the food from the Vargas Restaurant.

Or bread. Yes, I want bread.

I want chicken.

I just want food.

I can't wait until I can eat again.

6:04 PM

Lili came back, as usual. She saw my bear and gave me a huge smile. I asked her to help me name him, and she said that we should combine our names somehow and then give him that name.

I'm going to write down the possibilities.

Lilete

Petie

Zwirkland (a combination of her last name Zwingli and my last name Kirkland)

Kirkli

Zwingland.

Nope. None of them sound right. We'll come up with one eventually.

6:17 PM

MARSHMALLOW

His name is now Marshmallow!

He is white after all. Marshmallows are white.

Marshmallow is named in honour of our promise. I almost want to give him a bow like the one Lili wears.

Lili is going to stay a little longer than usual today, so that means she'll be able to watch me and Mr. Braginsky play chess! Maybe I'll teach her how to play as well.

9:45 PM

I'm happy.

Despite my illness, my condition, my disabilities, I'm happy.

I have a loving family, a nice doctor, a really nice friend, and I am surrounded by people who care about me.

I have my ups and downs. I'm sick, but people get sick sometimes. I have my fears. No one lives without one. But I can smile and laugh it off.

I may not be able to go places, and I may not have seen the world, but I think I'm starting to understand things a little bit more.

Sure, it's quite a big thing for a kid like me to say, but, I think I am now starting to understand the true meaning of life.

To experience, to laugh, to cry, to smile, to hurt, to meet new people, but most importantly, to be happy.

I am happy. I can say that and truly mean it.

I have everything I could ever want. That is beautiful, to me, at least.

Pa and Daddy think I'm not going to last any longer. They don't say it, but you can see it in their eyes.

Al knows that I have a big heart, but deep down inside, he has his doubts.

Lili truly hopes I make it. But she too has her doubts.

I just wish they would just take the time to smile. Truly smile. I don't want them to be sad, and I don't want them to pity me.

I want them to be happy.

I have my happiness. Now my goal in life is to make sure everyone else is happy as well.

Which is why I **must not die.**

They will be happy if they know I make it.

So I will make it.

From now on, everything I do is for them, not for me.

The cure is a positive attitude. I cannot be selfish.

I will do everything in my power to make sure they are happy.

I know what life is all about, so I'm going to help them see that if it's the last thing I do.

And to who ever is reading this, who ever you are, please, _please_ take the time to smile. Think about all the things that make you happy and use that as your fuel.

You have a life, and that is beautiful.

Make sure it is worth it.

* * *

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Wow, I made myself tear up.

Write a review and tell me what you think! And don't forget to smile!


	17. A Note

[The handwriting is much different than the previous entries]

_Dear Peter,_

_This is me, Lili. Sorry I took your diary. Don't worry though, I didn't read it or anything. I just needed a page._

_You're asleep right now, so I didn't want to wake you. I probably won't be able to see you anymore. My bruder found a new job someplace far. Really far. I'm only 13, so I can't do anything about it either._

_I hate to tell you this way, but I have to leave now. When you read this, please know that I am really really sorry._

_I'll do everything I can to try and see you again. Please don't be sad for me, okay? I want you to get better. I know you will._

_Not a doubt in my mind._

_Peter, you have made me really happy in the time I have known you. Maybe at some point in the future, we will be together again._

_I, Lilian Zwingli made a promise to you. Our Marshmallow Promise is one I will follow through._

_When we are together again, I hope we stay together and never part._

_Peter, I am so sorry for this again. I'm moving, and I'll probably be gone in a week. I still have to pack my things._

_I want you to remember me though. I'll never forget you. I have put my ribbon I wear everyday in here. Keep it with you, and know that I will always care for you._

_You'll always be with me no matter what._

_~ Lilian Zwingli_


	18. July 22

Thursday, July 22, 2020

Who cares about the time.

I'm crying. For the first time in a really long time, I am crying.

It's just not fair. Not fair at all!

I know it's not her fault, and maybe it's for the best of us, but why? Just why?!

Dammit! I don't know how to feel anymore! Who knows when we'll see each other again?

Maybe I can make her stay. She can move into my house! Al moved in with us, so maybe she can move in with us too! Pa and Daddy could take care of her, and Al is really nice too. And then she can come and visit me whenever she wants. Right? Right?!

It's not fair, not fair not fair!

Why must this happen?

She left me her ribbon. Her ribbon that she wore everyday. It's... It's all I have left of her besides the memories.

Okay, here's my plan.

I'm going to get better. Once I am well and healthy, I will do great in school, go to college, get a job, no a career, make some good money, travel to find her. I would go across the world if I had to!

One way or another, we're going to be together again. Nothing will stop me now.

Fate, you have taken away a precious part of my life, and I have to say, you have _really_ pissed me off now. Just you watch. Just you wait. We're not going to be separated for long.

I won't allow you to take a part of my life away!

Lili, I'm coming for you!


	19. July 31

[The pages are creased, as if the book had fallen on an open page]

Friday, July 31, 2020

My eyesight is failing me.

I'm getting weaker everyday. This illness is getting the best out of me.

The day after Lili left me that note, I kept bugging everyone to make her come back. I talked to Pa and Daddy for hours, trying to convince them to get her to move in with us. But Daddy said that it would not be easy. Pa made me realize how much they were working.

Apparently, Al had to get a job to help out too. Pa, Daddy and Al are all working extra hard to support me. The hospital bills are draining the bank, and having an extra mouth to feed certainly wasn't going to help. What I didn't know was that Pa has two jobs now to support me. They have to feed themselves too, so there's just money issues.

Money money money.

Luckily, my persisting allowed me to see Lili one last time. She was able to stop by, but only stayed for less than five minutes. Her brother didn't want to be late for the flight. We talked a bit, and I held her hand with whatever strength I had, and I repeated the Marshmallow Promise to her. I told her that when I got older, I would do everything in my will to find her. She started crying, and she kneeled over and gave me a small kiss. Her lips were so soft and warm, and it lasted for less than a second and before I knew it, she was gone.

And I know I shouldn't be thinking this, but, I don't think I'll see her again.

I'm not going to keep the promise. I can't.

As much as I want to, I just... can't.

I am getting very weak, and I am using the last bit of strength I have to write this.

I can't see the time, but I know it's late.

I haven't been writing because I've been trying to save my strength, but what am I saving it for if it is just slowly deteriorating?

I have flat-lined several times already. Not today, but this week and last week too. I don't think I'll be able to make it.

I'm so sad. I'm very disappointed in myself. I can't believe this is happening to me.

Out of all the people in the world, why did this have to happen to me? Why me? _What did I ever do to deserve this?!_

I'm way too young. I haven't done all the things I want. So many things left unsaid, left undone. My promise never followed through to the end. My parents effort to pay for me will be in vain.

Lili, I never told you this, and I know I should have, but I was too embarrassed. Lili, I love you. Perhaps I'm too young to know what love is, but if this is it, then I have lived long enough to know it.

Pa and Daddy, I'm so so sorry for all the trouble I have caused you. I'm sorry for the times I've misbehaved, the times I ran away from you in Chuck-E-Cheese, the time I stole cookies, the times I would never shut up and everything I have ever done to upset you. But most of all, I'm sorry to leave you.

Al, don't stop smiling,

Daddy, please tell Pa to be brave,

And don't you mourn for me,

Because I will still smile down at you.

Daddy, don't you cry for me,

Lili, still keep moving on.

And please don't forget the happiness within.

Lili, I'm sorry I can't be with you, but maybe... in our next life we will meet again, and be together and be the best of friends.

This world is cruel, yet beautiful...


	20. April 11

[You flip through the blank dusty pages, and find one last entry at the last page]

Friday, April 11, 2070

Wow, it's been quite a long time since I've seen this thing! I thought I lost it years ago!

Ah, old memories. Isn't it nice?

Well, here is my real last entry. My previous one I wrote was one I believed to be the last one I ever write. My memories are a bit fuzzy from that time, but I seriously thought I was going to die that day. Here's what happened that day:

I began growing weaker, and sleepier too. I felt cold, and everything ached, and I was sad too. I was sad because Lilian had left me. Actually, that day was the last time I saw this diary until today. You see, I slipped into a coma that day, or night I should say, and I didn't wake up until Monday, September 14, 2020. Yes, I missed my first days of school. Even then, I still had to recover and rehabilitate, so I didn't start school until early October. Oh, and that also meant I missed my 13th birthday. My birthday is on September 12. I was asleep then!

Well, anyway, I went to middle school as normal, and I made a few friends too. All the while, I thought about Lilian. I kept my grades high. I wanted to succeed more than anything. I only had one C out of my whole Middle school years. Oh, and I was also reunited with my old friends, Wyuna and Newell Zeke. I hadn't seen them in a while, and we went to the same middle school too, so that was cool.

As I matured, I learned much more. I began to believe (around the seventh grade) that Lili would've forgotten me by now and looked at other guys. The thought pained me for the rest of my school years. I also realized that some girls in my school liked me, including Wyuna. I only liked Wyuna as a friend, so I told her I wanted it to stay that way. I didn't want to have anything to do with other girls. I had a promise, and it was something I would fulfill. I had to focus on my schoolwork anyways.

In high school, I was one of the top students, and managed to maintain straight A's in all four years. I was in the top 3 students of the school. I was a Freshman when I learned I was in the top three. It was quite unbelievable, so I had to see it for myself. I took a snippet from our school newspaper and kept it with me.

[Below is the newspaper snippet pasted to the page]

_Top 3 Students of Bondevik High - School Year 2023-2024_

_1. Romeo Vargas [Senior]_

_2. Raivus Galante [Senior]_

_3. Peter Kirkland [Freshman]_

When I learned of their names, I knew I had to speak with them for advice. Romeo was actually the youngest of the Vargas brothers who owned the Italian restaurant I went to as a child. Raivus had moved here from Latvia in 2019. After a while, I finally met them. Romeo told me that he recognized me from the restaurant. He used to hang out at the place with his brothers. Raivus was really shy, but he was really smart. If you were to meet Romeo and see how he acts and such, you would've never believed he was the top student in the school. He's immature, silly, energetic, a player and a troublemaker too. But he's pretty smart. Eventually, I got them to tutor me, and help me out with studying and such. We became great friends in no time, and I remained in the top 3 for the rest of Highschool. By my Junior year, I was number one.

I graduated high school with perfect grades, and got into a college with a scholarship. I became an animator, and started off with animated shorts, to kids TV shows and then movies too. I had actually started working with Pixar too!

As soon as I made good money, I began my search. I started looking for Lili.

I was about 24 when I began my search. I searched her old home, I looked for her in the place she moved in to, and I tried tracking down her brother too. When I didn't find her, I didn't give up. I began traveling places. She had told me she wanted to travel, and go to places like Russia and Japan. So what did I do? I went to Russia and Japan! I traveled countries, across the US, looked in my old neighborhood, talked to people around and searched. I had to settle after a while. I was spending money like mad, looking for her. I stopped in California and stayed in a hotel before I continued my search. That's when I learned that there was a new doctor at a nearby hospital. Dr. Zwingli. So, I looked her up, and sure enough, it was her.

Dr. Lilian Zwingli - Oncologist - Ph.D.

I was 32 when I finally found her. I contacted her picked up the phone, but she didn't recognize my voice. I tried to convince her to wait at the cafe for me, but she thought it was a prank call, and hung up. She sounded different too. She sounded upset when I brought up my name, and spoke with harshness. But that didn't stop me. I called one of the doctors who worked with her. Dr. Bella Gem. Apparently, she's Lili's best friend. I convinced her to meet me, and she knew who I was. Apparently, Lili spoke about me constantly, and Bella thought that this Marshmallow Promise thing was some sort of silly thing she made up. It's funny because when I introduced myself, her response to me was, "No way, it's really you!".

So Bella helped me. She told Lili to go to the cafe at a specific time. Lili was expecting to have lunch with Bella, but would instead meet me there.

This day, Friday, March 16, 2040 was the day one of the happiest moments of my life occurred, at the Carriedo Cafe, approximately 4 o'clock PM.

Lili walked into the cafe and looked around. I almost didn't recognize her for a moment. She was tall, and had a curvier body than I remembered. Her hair was longer, and had a serious look on her face. She didn't look as gentle as I remembered. I had her old ribbon in my hand, and I took a few deep breaths before I walked up to her.

She looked up at me, and stared for a moment, examining my face. I was much taller than her. When we first met, she was taller than me, so this was a bit different than I expected. But then again, I hadn't even known what to expect.

I said these very words to her. "Lili, I came back as promised."

At that moment, her expression changed drastically, and she muttered my name, almost speechless. She began to cry, and then she jumped up and hugged me. I began to tear up a little bit as well. It had been twenty years since I last saw her. She cried, and then told me that she thought I was dead. Apparently, she had been looking for me too, but gave when her brother told her I was dead. I hugged her tightly, and I kissed her, and I told her that I made a promise, and that was a promise I would keep.

I was aware that people were watching, and I didn't care. They could choose to ignore us or not. But at that moment, it was just me and her, no one else in the world.

That was the same day, where I got down at one knee, and held the ring I bought for her.

The words I spoke she promised she'd never forget. "Lilian Zwingli. You are the gentle flower, the light of my life. A part of my life that had been lost for years. Lili, I have now returned, and ventured many obstacles to find you, my love. Lilian, will you marry me?"

She started crying and laughing, and she hugged me tightly again, chanting, "Yes, of course I will!" I could hear the other people in the cafe in awe, murmuring or cheering. I noticed that even Bella was crying too.

I had never been so happy. I was finally going to be with her. I was finally going to fulfill my promise. Our promise.

On Wednesday, May 30, 2040, Lili and I got married. Another one of my happiest moments in my life.

Her brother walked her down the aisle, and everyone I knew was there. Pa, Daddy, Al, the Beildshmidts, the Edelsteins, my friends Wyuna, Newell Zeke, the Vargas brothers, and even Arthur showed up. It was a beautiful day for the both of us, a cherished memory, one that I would keep even after death.

Lili told me that she had become an oncologist in honor of me. An oncologist is a doctor that specializes in cancer. She wanted to find a cure for my illness, and prevent others from becoming sick like that and such. She said that she did everything she could to try to make sure we got back together, much like I did. Our efforts were not in vain.

As a joke, I had said we should change our last names to Marshmallow. You know, because of our promise thing?

But, she actually considered, we put some thought into it, and... well... we actually did it. Yup. Mr. and Mrs. Marshmallow.

Oh, but it's not just us. On September 23, 2041, our first daughter, Lystra was born. She inherits my eyebrows, but thinner, and has Lili's eyes and cheeks. She has my hair and my hands. She's got a little birthmark on her elbow too. She loves reading and writing, and is constantly drawing as well. She drew all over the walls when she was three. They are still there today.

On Wednesday, May 4, 2044, our first son, Ash was born. He inherits my eyes and cheeks, Lili's eyebrows, hair and lips. He loves video games and fruits. He's more energetic and loves to climb on things, including Lili and I. Ash and Lystra got into trouble together. One time, they got the flour and had a "snowball" fight with it. What a mess it was!

On Saturday, August 1, 2048, Tina was born. She looks more like Lili, except with my eyes, and a few freckles as well. Her eyebrows are slightly thick, but not as thick as mine. She is a little more calm, unless she's bored. She loves archery and TV, and is constantly playing with nerf guns. When you least expect it, she'll shoot you with one!

Pa and Dad are really proud of me. Sadly, in 2064, Pa passed away. He died peacefully in his sleep from old age. His last words to me were "I'm proud of you son.". That was a week before he died, just after he visited my family and I.

Dad still likes to come and visit, and he gets along with my kids real good too. He's real old now, and he's starting to forget a few things too. I just hope he's had a happy life.

Al is still around. Actually, in 2023, he married a nice Japanese lady named Sakura. They live in a beach house with each other. They have a nice quiet life, very peaceful. They had a daughter too. She went off and became a makeup artist for movies and other celebrities too. She's a kind lady, and eventually, she settled down and opened up a bakery.

Lystra is 28, turning 29 this year. She became a novelist and a cartoonist as well. She is a best selling author as well, and is very popular nowadays. She admitted to me that she's afraid someone will "stop by, take my book and ruin it by making it a movie.". Overall, she told me she is happy. And I'm glad.

Ash is 25, turning 26 next month. He became an athlete and takes on the greatest physical challenges there are. He's also a stunt double for movies.

Tina is 21, turning 22 this year. She's a toy designer, and is creating toys for the next generation. She's taken interest in becoming a police officer, but I'm not too thrilled about that. I just hope she stays safe, that's all. She's also a fitness model, and a body builder, since she was into that kind of stuff. She also has a girlfriend named Kate who's also a body builder. I think they are perfect for each other.

I am turning 62 this year. I'm quite an old man now, eh?

Well, I've lived a nice long, happy life, right? I say it's long, considering the fact that I could've died before I even turned 13.

So here's what's happening in the now.

My sickness returned.

It's getting worse, and there is no sign of it going away. This is what'll end me. But hey, it's a happy ending if you think about it.

I got to live. I got a second chance, and I lived it. I got a career, good money, a family, and best of all, happiness.

I lived a long happy life.

I was just revisiting my old house I grew up in and I found this diary. So I just thought, "Hey, why not write one last entry before I go?"

So here it is.

Thank you to all those who have been in my life. I couldn't have done it without you.

Now it is my final farewell.

To my children who would probably be reading this,

Your daddy is very proud of you guys. I have never been more happy to have you in my life.

Lystra, keep writing. Your books and poems are beautiful, and I hope you live a nice long life. Don't you ever stop smiling.

Ash, never stop smiling. Keep spreading that happiness and energy you have. And stay safe. We don't want you breaking your arm... again...

Tina, stay safe. Remember that happiness is the key. You're very strong, and that is something everyone admires. I hope you and Kate stay happy together.

I love you all.

And to my beloved wife, Lilian.

My dear, I want you to know that I love you so much. Make sure you don't cry when I pass, and keep on going. I know you're still trying to find that cure, and I appreciate it, but you have cured my soul. Even when I'm gone, you should still continue your search, and help others in need. Take care of our children, and never ever forget to smile, because no matter what, I will be looking down at you from the sky, and I will smile down upon my beautiful family.

Stay sweet, my Marshmallows.

_~ Peter Kirkland Marshmallow ~_

[In the diary are photos paper-clipped to the pages. This includes photos of Peter on his wedding day, photos of his children, him and his friends, high school photos, a copy of his diploma, and a recent photo of Peter and Lili sitting on a couch holding hands, old and happy. In the diary is Lili's old ribbon, a few love letters from Lili, and Father's Day cards from his kids]

* * *

Whew, I finally finished! Yes, this is the last entry for Peter's diary. I really hope you guys enjoyed it! Looks like he had a happy ending after all, right?

Write a review, tell me what you think! If you have any questions, comments or concerns, please visit my writing blog, ' akaala . tumblr . com' (I had to separate them or it would be deleted) If you wish to talk about the story with me, visit my main blog, 'boilingheart . tumblr . com"

Epilogue coming soon!

Also, be on the lookout for a soon-to-come story for SuFin! It'll be a love story thing, and yes, you can apply it to Peter's parents as featured in this story. They are linked.

Check out my other stories too! Maybe I'll write more for Peter, but that's in the future, so I can't say!

Thanks for reading!


	21. Epilogue

**"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay then it's not the end"**

**_- _**_Paulo Coelho_

I really hope you all enjoyed the story!

Dr. Vladmir Lupei (Romania) gave this diary to Peter (Sealand), but never read the entries. Vlad gave it to him to keep Peter busy, and have something to do so that he wouldn't freak out or anything. Busy work.

Lilian Zwingli (Liechtenstein) was going to be an extra, like the Edelsteins. But as I was writing, I was overcome by my OTP needs, and then that happened.

Berwald (Sweden) is a Whovian, as you may have guessed. Tino (Finland) is a Sherlockian.

Oh, here's what happened with the diary. Peter slipped into a coma, and dropped his diary, and eventually, made it's way under the bed. When he finally woke up and got better and everything, he thought he had lost the book. But when Alfred (America) went to pack up all of Peter's stuff, he found it, and packed it, taking it home safe and sound. Peter didn't know where it was, and found it in his attic years later, which is when he wrote his final entry.

When I first started writing this, my original intention was just to be angst. I wanted to show Peter's real personality, since the fandom always treats him like crap. Here was what I had in mind:

Peter gets sick, lives with a positive attitude and ignorance then dies.

But as I was writing, and I read your reviews on it and everything, I began to grow attached to Peter. Usually, I am a heartless author, and I am known among my friends for killing characters, or tormenting them at least. Then I reread my chapters, and began to realize that this character was so much more, and that I didn't have the heart to kill him off. So that's when I decided to change up the ending so that he lived a happy long life.

I guess I have a heart after all.

I'm glad you all loved it! Thanks for the reviews and tears!

* * *

Lili stood in front of Peter's grave. He had been buried last week, and she had been grieving. She knew that Peter would want her to carry on, but, it was hard. It was hard losing someone you loved.

She walked up to his grave and set her hand on his tombstone.

"Looks like I lost you again, huh?" she said sadly. She looked at the inscription, and couldn't help but chuckle. It was Peter's dying wish to have his tombstone customized.

_LOOK AT MY TOMBSTONE! ISN'T IT NICE?!_

_Here lies that one kid Peter (Kirkland) Marshmallow_

_September 12, 2018 - April 21, 2070_

_Death by some unknown disease. (I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK)_

_Loving father and husband._

_I'm probably playing video games up in heaven, don't worry about me_

Peter had wanted his tombstone to be silly, because he didn't want people to visit him and cry. He wanted them to be happy, no matter what.

"At least I got to say good bye this time." she sighed, a tear slipping down her cheek.

She kneeled down, and rested her head on his tombstone. "Thank you. Thank you for being there with a smile. Thank you for seeing the light from the dark. I owe you." she held back her sobs. She knew she had to be strong. It's what he would have wanted. "I love you Peter, and I miss you so, so much. When we first met... I was... I was a wreck. I was depressed, and had never felt so alone. My parents had died, and my brother had changed ever since. It was... it was hard, and I didn't feel like moving on." she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I never told you this before. That day you came over... that was the day that I decided I was done. I was going to end whatever I had. But you... you showed me that there was so much more. That there was hope, and you were happy. You showed me that no matter how dark the situation, or how bad things get, there will always be that light. You just gotta find the match. You... you saved me, Peter. You gave me hope, and I could never repay you." she wiped her tears away. "But I promise, I will find that cure. I will find it, and I won't stop, even at my dying breath."

She sat down and leaned her back against his tombstone. She gazed at the sky. It was gloomy, and could start raining at any moment, but she didn't care.

"I still remember when you called, by the way. March 14, 2040. I thought it was a prank call. It never even occurred to me that it was really you. I remember that day when I saw you again for the first time in twenty years. How tall you were, how vibrant and beautiful you were." she chuckled at the memory. "And I have to say, puberty did a good job. I remember when you got down on one knee and showed me the ring, and spoke those words. I still have the ring here," she looked down at her old ring. It was gold, and had a lily on it intertwined with a silver band. It had a small diamond in the center of the lily. "It's beautiful, Peter, and I will never take it off."

She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Remember on our wedding day, when you tripped while we were dancing?You nearly fell on the cake if I hadn't grabbed you in time." she laughed and wiped away her tear. "But then we both fell in the opposite direction. The dress got dirty and ripped a little on the way down, but we just got back up and laughed it off, because that was how happy we were."

She heard someone approaching, but didn't move a muscle. She lay there, reminiscing about her love.

"Remember when he fell of the roof and landed on the trampoline?" a man's voice said. Lili opened her eyes and saw Alfred crouched down near the stone.

"A-Al, I wasn't expecting to see you here." she said.

"Sorry. Did I scare ya?" he asked. His face was wrinkled, and he looked tired and weary.

"No. I was just visiting." she smiled weakly.

"Hey, uh, Tino called me. He told me that Peter wanted you to see this," he dug in his bag, and pulled out an old, worn out journal.

Lili's eyes widened. "Isn't... isn't that the same journal Peter used to write in when he was a kid?"

Alfred nodded, and handed the book over to her. She stared at the journal in her hands, as if she had never seen it before.

"Tino told me that Peter had left his behind for you guys er something."

She hesitated before opening up to the first page. She was reluctant to start reading, and looked up at Alfred.

"Is it wrong for me to read this? I mean, this was private after all, right?"

"Yeah, _was_. Not anymore. Don't be afraid. It's just messy handwriting, I'm sure.

She began reading, and tears welled up as she read. Everything Peter felt, all that he went through during his rough condition was all in her hands. She learned a lot more, and came to what seemed to be the last one. She saw that there seemed to be no more, but as she closed the book, a few pictures fell out. She picked them up, and realized they were pictures of her kids. She opened the diary to the last page, and found the true last entry. She looked at the pictures, her old ribbon was there, and read about his high school experience. Then she read about how he looked for her. As she was nearing the end, she began sobbing, her tears preventing her from reading any further.

Alfred scoot next to her and hugged her. She cried, partially from sadness, partially from happiness. She was happy that he had lived a nice life, and was proud of his school accomplishments, and was flattered that he had traveled everywhere in search for her. She too had done the same. All this time, she knew he was happy, but had no idea what he had been through.

But now that she knew more, it made it that much more important to find this cure. For him. It was the least she could do now.

She pulled herself together, and stood up, gripping the diary tightly.

Alfred stared at her. "What are you going to do now?" he asked.

She turned around and looked at him. She seemed to be staring into his soul with that look.

She chuckled. "Me? I'm going to do what I have to. He saved my life. I could n't save his. The least I could do save others from what took my husband**.**"


End file.
